The Golden Age of Disstina

Almost two weeks ago, I made the stunning realization that I now have more years behind me than I have ahead of me. You know, unless I actually meet my goal of living to be 134. Don’t ask where I came up with that random number. I kind of just pulled it out of my ass one day and ran with it.

That statement, though, should clue you in to the fact that I have no clue how goals are supposed to work. Shouldn’t they be attainable? Is 134 attainable? Maybe I should get more seriously back into yoga. I’m sure that’s the one thing that has the best potential of getting me there. Maybe I’ll lay off the caffeine, too. Eventually. One day. Maybe.

The looming Five-Oh has prompted me to think about some other goals that are, quite possibly, attainable or, maybe they’re as ludicrous as expecting to live to 134.

  1. Maintain my current level of sanity and/or attain a higher level of sanity. Bottom line: don’t get any worse, Dissy, mmmmkay?
  2. Continue making my house my home.
  3. Get rid of my remaining fucks. I want to be one of those “no fucks to give” people. Not in an obnoxious asshole way, but in a way that has me going out and tasting ALL that life has to offer. Unless it’s ebola. I’d rather not experience that.
  4. Get back into a regular exercise routine. I have no words for how much I miss working out and feeling strong.
  5. I want to learn how to cook one awesome dish (above and beyond all the other awesome shit I make).
  6. I want to tell one person who dearly deserves it to fuck right off. (I don’t know who that is yet, so I didn’t say that with anyone in particular in mind).
  7. Get back into a regular spiritual practice.

I think that about covers it for now. I don’t want to overwhelm myself with too much. After all, I’m almost a senior citizen.


Have I ever mentioned that I’m an office supply junkie? I love going to the home office section at whichever store I’m in (even the stores you wouldn’t think would have these sections, (like larger gas stations) but they do) and checking out what they have.

I’m especially fond of notebooks, journals, and pens. I have enough of these items to equip a classroom for a semester. In fact, if I get any worse with this, I may find myself eligible for an episode of Hoarders.

The highlight of every year, for me, is buying a new planner for the next year. My friend, Melissa, was happy she had found a 5 year planner. I’m glad she’s excited about it, but I’m not sure I could do a 5 year planner. That would mean I’d miss out on my annual rituals. This year, I picked out an awesome one. It had a pocket for sticking papers in, and it had sufficient space for all my notes, and my dog promptly ate it.


I was going to holler at her, but she looked so shameless sitting there smiling that beautiful pit-bull smile amongst the scraps of paper strewn about my kitchen floor that I just laughed. Then I lost my momentum. This was shockingly similar to my parenting style.

Turkey Lurkey and me circa 1991

I got a new planner today, and it’s almost as nice as the first one. Pickin’s are getting slim since we’re more than halfway through January. Really, the only thing missing is the pocket.

Another weird thing about it is that it starts in July 2019. What the shit is this all about? I am not a fan. I just noticed, too, that this one ends in June of 2020. Who the hell does planners this way???? I think I’m going to have to return this.

While I sit here stewing in my righteous indignation, I realize I had a planner like this before. It was from the college bookstore way back when I was in college. I suppose it was useful then, and I suppose primarily students may be buying planners from Walgreen’s, but damn.

Half the year is gone on this bad boy. You’d think it would have been discounted or even on clearance, but no. I think it’s safe to declare that I’ve been robbed!

I’ll probably end up hitting up Office Max for a new planner. I try to avoid them because Office Max, for me, is like the shoe store is for other women. Who knows what I will walk out of there with?

I guess we will have fun finding out. I hope I don’t forget any appointments or plans in the mean time. If I do, it’s totally on Walgreen’s.

A Little Scary

Yesterday, I was telling one of my co-workers about my fascination with true crime and one of the stories I was reading about yesterday during work (the Sodder children disappearance). Our conversation went a little something like this:

Him: “you’re fascinated with true crime and murder mysteries?”
Me: “yep.”
Him: “so you know what to do with bodies?”
Me: “Well, not really. I mean, we know about these cases, which means the bodies have likely been found, so it stands to reason…”
Him: “so you know what not to do?”
Me: “Okay, yeah, we could put it that way.”
Him:now I’m a little afraid of you.”

I always love it when a dude either really is or pretends to be slightly frightened by me. I’m not sure why, but I think it’s adorable. I think maybe it’s because they actually get it in a way that most just don’t.

What do they get? you ask…

They get that they aren’t in any kind of competition with me. They know who they are and they don’t need to posture to make themselves out to be tougher than some woman. For me, those kind of men are few and far between, and it’s always a pleasure to meet them. Even when it’s just some dude I work with.

And so it’s New Year’s Eve. I decided to work tonight and shake up my cosmic energy a smidge. I feel like working some overtime sets a good tone for the coming year. It’ll certainly chunk away at some debt, and that’s never a bad thing. At midnight, I’ll be driving home to my Daisy-Lou. I really do love that dog.

I’m trying to be okay with all of this. Most of it is just dealing with change. I’m classically not good with change. But, hey, I have an Insta-Pot at home full of pork and sauerkraut that I do not have to share, and tomorrow, I will be drinking good vodka drinks (if I remember to stop and buy ice cream) and painting walls with one of my besties.

We are going to slam dunk that in the happy basket and run with it. Life is good.

Happy New Year, folks! Make good choices!

Truth or Consequences

You have brains in your head and feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own and you know what you know.
And you are the one who’ll decide where to go,
Dr. Seuss

There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.
Ernest Hemingway

Hmmm… I wonder if I’m ready to bleed.

People talk so much about finding or knowing their “truth.” I’m still trying to figure out what that means.

For me, everything is so subjective; everything changes from day to day and sometimes from minute to minute. How can there be a “truth”?

Truth, to me, indicates yes or no/black or white or some other absolute. I have made a practice of trying hard to not engage in absolutes.

Feeling this way makes me feel like part of me is lacking, somehow. Because I haven’t discovered my “truth,” there’s some part of fulfillment/discovery/enlightenment that I’m missing out on.

Yes. A lot of times, I don’t even know who in the hell I actually am. Wanna know the freaky thing? Nine out of ten times, I’m perfectly okay with that. That leaves a lot of doors open for me, and it has given me many opportunities and put me in contact with a lot of great people.

Truth, though? I’ll let you know if I ever find some deep, meaningful truth buried with my soul. It would surprise me, though. I love the shades of grey out there.

Hmmm… maybe my truth is that there is no truth.

Why Are You Like This? Barb here, Dissy and I were discussing what we should write about for our very first Witchy Wednesday and settled on answering the main question everyone gets when talking about non-mainstream religious beliefs. Some people are nicer and more polite about how they ask, some are mind-blowingly nasty, but the […]

Witchy Wednesday: Take 1 — So… Your Friend is an Asshole

A new blog that just started yesterday by some of my favorite people. PLEASE check it out, like it, comment, share it. Help us make more of a mark on the world than some piss on a fire hydrant!!

Wasting Time

Yesterday, I had the day off work. I took some time to help a friend who ended up not really needing anything. I kind of figured that may be the case, but, hey, who couldn’t use some time off? Paid, no less.

I sat in my chair at my makeshift desk (a vanity table sans mirror generously gifted to me by the aforementioned friend) and indulged in so many grand illusions of all the things I could get done.

Well, I discovered that I’ll eventually need to buy another dishwasher. Something is going on with mine and, though I replaced the gasket at the bottom of the door, it is still leaking. I followed the installment instructions to a T, and it worked beautifully for about 2 months. Last week, I started noticing water on the floor again. It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough to let me know I have a problem.

I opened the door and saw that the gasket was slipping out of place. Oh joy. Well, if I can just figure out keeping it in place for a few more months, I can pay some bills down and get a new one.

One thing I did that was not on my list is I spent some time making my office area more cozy. I hung some pictures, which is really the extent of it, but, hey, that matters. Feeling comfortable in your home matters, even if that comfort is restricted to a small corner. For now.

That is the totality of my accomplishments, unless you count drinking with one of my girlfriends. We drank vodka concoctions and formulated plans for our upcoming exciting new venture. One day, we shall rule the universe. (not the world? No. The universe. Go big, or go home). It was a fun time.

The list being neglected, however, leads me to feel unproductive because the rest of my life is in such utter disarray. Then I stop and think… list schmist. It’ll get it done when I fucking get it done. Here’s the thing, though… It’s not like I avoided those things so I could go out and improve humanity. That fact has been known to inspire feelings of guilt in the past. If I’m not caring for others, then I ought to be taking care of myself or what’s mine.

I really have to ignite some conversations between my thinking and feeling brains. I need to get them communicating effectively so that my life is managed in a more harmonious manner. Let me be honest… chaos is not cutting it for me.

For now, I will find peace and joy in knowing that I have an answer about my dishwasher (replace it) and that I have found a permanent spot to do my thing, whether that thing is paying bills, writing brilliant novels, writing crappy blogs, or making arbitrary lists of things I ought to be doing. I’ll see about actually doing some of it another time.